Soft Swap or Full Swap?

wegottathought Jan 24, 2018

By Mrs Jones


For the first 18 months of our lifestyle journey, Mr Jones and I were a soft swap couple.  We didn’t feel the need to “progress” to full swap just so that we could check it off of some mystical lifestyle list.  Playing with other couples without the added complications that full swap sex can bring was enough for us at that time.  What complications you ask?  Well, there are quite a few of them.

First and foremost, condoms are necessary with full swap sex.  Yes, some couples will go bareback with others (no condoms required), usually with close friends in the lifestyle that they have come to know and trust.  But adding the decision of trusting someone enough to forego condom use adds another layer of potential conflict to the lifestyle experience.  So we always use condoms.  Yes, at the age of 50 Mr Jones had to practice using condoms for the first time in 30 years!  We did have fun trying out the many types...

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We are No Ken and Barbie

wegottathought Dec 28, 2017

By Mr Jones


We see this popular phrase over and over again in online profiles on lifestyle dating websites.  It’s meant to send a reassuring message to prospective couples that “we aren’t perfect and you don’t need to be either.”  It’s a nice thing to hear since many of us perceive our own flaws as far more obvious than the equally flawed bodies of others.

Over the past few years many couples interested in trying the lifestyle have shared their fears about feeling attractive enough to be in the lifestyle.  Listeners hear us say the word “beautiful” on our podcast and think the person or couple we are describing could not possibly look like them.  They render a picture in their mind to associate it with a word we say and draw unrealistic conclusions.

Or they join an online messaging group and then hastily leave because they feel they can’t “compete” with the sexy pictures being shared.  Or...

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Choose to Become Who You Are

wegottathought Nov 30, 2017

By Mr Jones


We all are expected to play many roles in life: spouse, parent, child, colleague, employee, parishioner, student, teacher, friend, lover and, well you get it.  If you stop and think about it (and I’m cursed with this affliction) we are programmed by others about how to “act” or “behave” in each of these roles.  Our parents teach us how to behave as a children, our company tells us how to act as employees, our churches guide us as parishioners, and so on.

When do we get the chance to learn about who we really are as a unique person?  Who’s supposed to tell us how important that is?  How are we supposed to figure it out on our own after being told how to act our entire lives?  Well, there’s this thing called The Swinging Lifestyle…

Isn’t the lifestyle just about having sex with others?  How can such a superficial (and in some states illegal) activity possibly be a pathway to anything of...

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“What’s in It for Me?“

wegottathought Nov 02, 2017

By Mrs Jones


I never planned to become a swinger. I was a “good girl,” and good girls don’t do crazy stuff like those swingers do. So why did I agree to give it a try four years ago when Mr Jones and I stumbled onto swinging during our first trip to Desire?

First of all, the idea of swinging where someone else could possibly desire me is intoxicating to my ego. I was a happily married wife of 29 years, a mom, a grandmother for Pete’s sake, and a professional when we found the lifestyle. Not exactly sexy mode at this stage of life. Sure, Mr Jones would still tell me that I was hot, but in my mind he was telling me that because that’s what good husbands do. I used to feel objectified when another guy would tell me I was hot because I was married and off limits. Ironically, I don’t feel that way anymore when someone in the lifestyle tells me that I’m attractive. Maybe because he is standing next to his wife when he says it? The bottom line is...

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We are NOT Swingers!!

wegottathought Oct 17, 2017

By Mr Jones


We are NOT Swingers!

When that’s how the message starts, I know what’s coming next:

Dear Mr and Mrs Jones,

We are NOT swingers! But…we are open minded. And we do have a great sex life, and we did have an MFM experience a few years ago, and we do like to fantasize about being with others. We’ve been together a long time and have a great relationship. But we are NOT swingers! Oh, but one time we went to a lifestyle club, but we just watched. Well, we watched and it was hot so we had sex. Sex with each other I meant! And while we were having sex with each other we really enjoyed watching others, you know, have sex. Then we went home and had the best sex of our lives. For weeks!

Oh, even though we are NOT swingers, we really enjoy your podcast. You know, you guys sound so “normal” and everything (i.e., you sound a lot like us–NON swingers”).

Keep up the good work!
Signed: Dean and Debbie from In-Denial, Indiana

Okay I...

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Lifestyle Theme Nights and Costumes

wegottathought Oct 11, 2017

By Mrs Jones


Halloween, which is one of the premier lifestyle holidays, is quickly approaching. Many of us are frantically contemplating our costumes for the upcoming parties!

The same costume challenge (or dilemma depending on how much you like to dress up) applies to visiting lifestyle clubs and resorts. Often times, they have theme nights as part of the nightly entertainment. Themes can range from something as simple as ”White Night” where ladies wear a white dress and guys wear white shirts/pants to “ABC Night” which means “anything but clothes.” Then you have Fetish Night, Couples Costume Night, Uniform Night, Glow Night, Animal Print Night, Burlesque Night, and so on….

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you plan your outfits:

Some couples really get into the theme nights at resorts, clubs, or parties, coming up with great costumes for both of them that really embrace the theme. My experience is that many husbands struggle with...

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The Key to Lifestyle Success: Being Side-by-Side

wegottathought Sep 28, 2017

By Mr Jones


Ladies, we really need your help with this one. We guys are designed to hunt. To compete. To capture. To provide. You know, “you just wait here in the cave while I go off and kill us some dinner.” Unfortunately these primal urges and associated skills don’t often translate to “success” in the lifestyle. We mistakenly focus on the female instead of the couple. We forget about the other guy (you know, her husband) thinking he can fend for himself. You can’t blame us really, it’s what we do best, it’s what we’ve always done. It’s how we are hard wired.

I will be the first to admit: my life is much better with Mrs Jones (figuratively) by my side. My conference speech is more effective when my tie matches my shirt. My race times are faster when I follow the training plan she makes for me. Her “subtle” reminders around the house and never ending “honey-do” lists ensure we don’t live in a...

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Guy Confession: I’m Not into Pictures

wegottathought Sep 21, 2017

By Mr Jones


Please don’t get me wrong (especially you ladies out there), there is nothing more beautiful to the eye than a woman’s body.  One of THE most amazing views the lifestyle affords is the opportunity to behold women enjoying the physical and emotional pleasure only the female body can experience.  It never gets old.

To me, pictures are different.  Random pictures are but a snapshot of the moment.  The context is missing.  The heavy breathing and moaning is silenced, the sexual humidity in the room is absent, the scent of a woman is now odorless, the graceful and flowing body movements while entangled with another is frozen stiff as facial expressions of pleasure are caught at awkward angles.  Capturing the essence of the moment is what we yearn for but the camera fails miserably in that regard.  Thankfully the mind does not.

When the creator of the “pic” hits send, his mind re-lives the sensuality and excitement of...

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My Cold and Pseudoephedrine Fueled Sex Dream

guest blog Aug 30, 2017

By "D" of the Swinging DownUnder Podcast


After a long day relaxing in the Mexican sunshine, wearing nothing but a hat and sunscreen, it was time for our first dinner in the restaurant at Desire RM. As C and I moved into the restaurant The Jones’s were already seated, casually placed with a seat beside each of them.  As we slid into place at the table, C beside Mr J and me beside Mrs, the conversation of the day’s relaxing was quickly beaten to death by the requirement for C to discuss business.

Thirty minutes went buy with C and Mr J deep in conversation while Mrs J and I spent the time to chat about life and catch up.  My occasional quip about how sexy she looked in her deep cut, ultra-short dress saw Mrs J add a little blush to her already sun-kissed cheeks, and that smile!  I could have sworn that every time I flirted, her legs crept just that little bit more open – was it in my head?

The conversation flowed, as did the wine, and we all regrouped...

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We Aren’t Who You Think We Are

wegottathought Aug 29, 2017

By Mr Jones


You haven’t met us yet, but you think we are a perfect fit.  Yes, you viewed our profile several times along with our public and private pictures.  You read about our playstyle preferences.  You read our likes and dislikes, you read our description of ourselves and you read what we are looking for as a couple in the lifestyle.

We responded to your initial email with enthusiasm and told you how sexy you look in your pictures.  We told you how we have so many things in common: we enjoy wineries, breweries, sushi, concerts and hiking.  Just like you.  We’ve been married almost two decades and have teenagers at home.  Just like you.  We are fairly new to the lifestyle, are a bit nervous, but are excited to explore.  Yes, just like you.

When the four of us started a group message we were always responsive.  One of us was a bit hesitant at first but eventually we were all flirting.  We told you how we get...

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